THE MEETING

Before we went into her office for the meeting, Dr. Winick asked us if we thought Ashley should be present during the meeting or not. We both felt like Ashley should be present -- after all, it is her body we would be talking about treating -- but we left the final decision up to Ashley. She did want to be included in the meeting, so we all went into Dr. Winick's office and sat down to discuss Ashley's future.

Once we were all seated, Dr. Winick pulled up close to Ashley and spoke directly to her. "Now, Princess, I need to tell you right up front that I am worried about this situation." Dr. Winick usually calls Ashley "Princess" or "Sweetie", and you can tell that those little pet names are spoken with genuine love and care. "What has me worried is this. Because your cancer has come back -- which we never expected it to do -- but because it has come back, the chances of us being able to completely cure it are smaller now than they were before." My heart sank. That was not what we wanted to hear. But Dr. Winick wasn't going to sugar-coat the situation. And I appreciate that, because Susan and I both wanted to know the honest truth about Ashley's condition, and I think Ashley did as well. Dr. Winick continued, "That doesn't mean that it's hopeless, it's just worrisome."

Dr. Winick went on to explain that there were four different treatment protocols that she felt were possible options, with another procedure (autologous bone marrow transplant) that could be added to any of the treatment regimens down the road if it was needed. She explained thoroughly each of the four options, and we asked questions about each one.

I told her that there were some other questions on which we needed her advice before making any kind of decision concerning treatments. She said she would be happy to answer any questions we might have, and that she would be supportive of any decision that we made, because Ashley is our child. (I was so pleased and relieved -- though not at all surprised -- to hear her say that, because not all doctors feel that way.) We began to quiz her rather thoroughly regarding some alternative treatment therapies about which we had heard, and concerning which I had done some initial research. She was kind and gracious in her remarks, even concerning therapies which she felt were unproven and questionable. She listened carefully to our concerns, and answered our questions. She said that if we did decide to enroll Ashley in an alternative therapy program, she would certainly respect our right as parents to do that; and even if we did that and then later decided to come back to her for conventional treatments, she would not hesitate for a moment to take Ashley back as a patient.

After about two hours of discussions, we decided that conventional therapy seemed the best alternative. We asked Dr. Winick which of the four treatment options (which she had presented earlier) she felt held the most promise for treating Ashley's recurrent tumors. She explained that the VP-16 / Thalidomide protocol would be her recommendation.