EFFECTS OF CHEMO

Many people have been asking how Ashley is doing on the chemo. The two main side effects have been nausea and vomiting, and perpetual weakness. Ashley usually gets nauseated about once a day, throws up really good, and then goes on about her business. She doesn't have much energy, and has started using her wheelchair almost all the time rather than walking, because she is so weak. She quite often has a "far away" look in her eyes, and her speech is usually slurred. It is almost bizarre how different she is today compared to four weeks ago. I find my heart aching regularly when I look at her and realize how much of her life has been stolen both by the cancer and the treatments.

And yet, in the midst of all this seemingly negative stuff, our lives are still overwhelmingly positive. There are so many blessings, and there is still a lot of laughter and fun. I guess our lives have become a really strange mixture of experiences.

Just last night, before going to sleep, Ashley got teary-eyed for a few minutes, thinking about the recurrence of the tumors. But then just a few minutes later, we were all lying in bed (Ashley has begun sleeping in our bed once again) cuddling and laughing and giggling about all kinds of things. Justin had gone to bed in his room, and Ashley hollered for him to come join us, which he did. It sounds like such a small thing, but it was wonderful medicine for the soul.

Tonight, Susan was helping Ashley take a shower. As she dried off, Ashley noticed an abundance of stray hairs lying around the bathroom. She asked Susan, "Mommy, are you shedding?" Susan replied, "No, sweetie, your hair is starting to fall out again." Ashley never did grow back very much hair from her original cancer treatments, which ended three years ago. And now what little she does have is falling out again. She was discouraged by this, but just a few minutes later she was lying on our bed singing at the top of her lungs and giggling. Susan and I were in the next room, and both started laughing.